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SAT Essay: high-scoring student example #1
SAT Essay score 4/4/4: Learn why this student received a perfect score!
These sample SAT essays are provided by the College Board, the creators of the SAT. They include real, scored student responses with an explanation of each score.
SAT essay prompt
As you read the passage below, consider how Paul Bogard uses
- evidence, such as facts or examples, to support claims.
- reasoning to develop ideas and to connect claims and evidence.
- stylistic or persuasive elements, such as word choice or appeals to emotion, to add power to the ideas expressed.
Adapted from Paul Bogard, “Let There Be Dark.” ©2012 by Los Angeles Times. Originally published December 21, 2012.
At my family’s cabin on a Minnesota lake, I knew woods so dark that my hands disappeared before my eyes. I knew night skies in which meteors left smoky trails across sugary spreads of stars. But now, when 8 of 10 children born in the United States will never know a sky dark enough for the Milky Way, I worry we are rapidly losing night’s natural darkness before realizing its worth. This winter solstice, as we cheer the days’ gradual movement back toward light, let us also remember the irreplaceable value of darkness.
All life evolved to the steady rhythm of bright days and dark nights. Today, though, when we feel the closeness of nightfall, we reach quickly for a light switch. And too little darkness, meaning too much artificial light at night, spells trouble for all.
Already the World Health Organization classifies working the night shift as a probable human carcinogen, and the American Medical Association has voiced its unanimous support for “light pollution reduction efforts and glare reduction efforts at both the national and state levels.” Our bodies need darkness to produce the hormone melatonin, which keeps certain cancers from developing, and our bodies need darkness for sleep. Sleep disorders have been linked to diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease and depression, and recent research suggests one main cause of “short sleep” is “long light.” Whether we work at night or simply take our tablets, notebooks and smartphones to bed, there isn’t a place for this much artificial light in our lives.
The rest of the world depends on darkness as well, including nocturnal and crepuscular species of birds, insects, mammals, fish and reptiles. Some examples are well known—the 400 species of birds that migrate at night in North America, the sea turtles that come ashore to lay their eggs—and some are not, such as the bats that save American farmers billions in pest control and the moths that pollinate 80% of the world’s flora. Ecological light pollution is like the bulldozer of the night, wrecking habitat and disrupting ecosystems several billion years in the making. Simply put, without darkness, Earth’s ecology would collapse....
In today’s crowded, louder, more fast-paced world, night’s darkness can provide solitude, quiet and stillness, qualities increasingly in short supply. Every religious tradition has considered darkness invaluable for a soulful life, and the chance to witness the universe has inspired artists, philosophers and everyday stargazers since time began. In a world awash with electric light...how would Van Gogh have given the world his “Starry Night”? Who knows what this vision of the night sky might inspire in each of us, in our children or grandchildren?
Yet all over the world, our nights are growing brighter. In the United States and Western Europe, the amount of light in the sky increases an average of about 6% every year. Computer images of the United States at night, based on NASA photographs, show that what was a very dark country as recently as the 1950s is now nearly covered with a blanket of light. Much of this light is wasted energy, which means wasted dollars. Those of us over 35 are perhaps among the last generation to have known truly dark nights. Even the northern lake where I was lucky to spend my summers has seen its darkness diminish.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Light pollution is readily within our ability to solve, using new lighting technologies and shielding existing lights. Already, many cities and towns across North America and Europe are changing to LED streetlights, which offer dramatic possibilities for controlling wasted light. Other communities are finding success with simply turning off portions of their public lighting after midnight. Even Paris, the famed “city of light,” which already turns off its monument lighting after 1 a.m., will this summer start to require its shops, offices and public buildings to turn off lights after 2 a.m. Though primarily designed to save energy, such reductions in light will also go far in addressing light pollution. But we will never truly address the problem of light pollution until we become aware of the irreplaceable value and beauty of the darkness we are losing.
Write an essay in which you explain how Paul Bogard builds an argument to persuade his audience that natural darkness should be preserved. In your essay, analyze how Bogard uses one or more of the features in the directions that precede the passage (or features of your own choice) to strengthen the logic and persuasiveness of his argument. Be sure that your analysis focuses on the most relevant features of the passage.
Your essay should not explain whether you agree with Bogard’s claims, but rather explain how Bogard builds an argument to persuade his audience.
Student Response
In response to our world’s growing reliance on artificial light, writer Paul Bogard argues that natural darkness should be preserved in his article “Let There be dark”. He effectively builds his argument by using a personal anecdote, allusions to art and history, and rhetorical questions.
Bogard starts his article off by recounting a personal story – a summer spent on a Minnesota lake where there was “woods so dark that [his] hands disappeared before [his] eyes.” In telling this brief anecdote, Bogard challenges the audience to remember a time where they could fully amass themselves in natural darkness void of artificial light. By drawing in his readers with a personal encounter about night darkness, the author means to establish the potential for beauty, glamour, and awe-inspiring mystery that genuine darkness can possess. He builds his argument for the preservation of natural darkness by reminiscing for his readers a first-hand encounter that proves the “irreplaceable value of darkness.” This anecdote provides a baseline of sorts for readers to find credence with the author’s claims.
Bogard’s argument is also furthered by his use of allusion to art – Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” – and modern history – Paris’ reputation as “The City of Light”. By first referencing “Starry Night”, a painting generally considered to be undoubtedly beautiful, Bogard establishes that the natural magnificence of stars in a dark sky is definite. A world absent of excess artificial light could potentially hold the key to a grand, glorious night sky like Van Gogh’s according to the writer. This urges the readers to weigh the disadvantages of our world consumed by unnatural, vapid lighting. Furthermore, Bogard’s alludes to Paris as “the famed ‘city of light’”. He then goes on to state how Paris has taken steps to exercise more sustainable lighting practices. By doing this, Bogard creates a dichotomy between Paris’ traditionally alluded-to name and the reality of what Paris is becoming – no longer “the city of light”, but moreso “the city of light…before 2 AM”. This furthers his line of argumentation because it shows how steps can be and are being taken to preserve natural darkness. It shows that even a city that is literally famous for being constantly lit can practically address light pollution in a manner that preserves the beauty of both the city itself and the universe as a whole.
Finally, Bogard makes subtle yet efficient use of rhetorical questioning to persuade his audience that natural darkness preservation is essential. He asks the readers to consider “what the vision of the night sky might inspire in each of us, in our children or grandchildren?” in a way that brutally plays to each of our emotions. By asking this question, Bogard draws out heartfelt ponderance from his readers about the affecting power of an untainted night sky. This rhetorical question tugs at the readers’ heartstrings; while the reader may have seen an unobscured night skyline before, the possibility that their child or grandchild will never get the chance sways them to see as Bogard sees. This strategy is definitively an appeal to pathos, forcing the audience to directly face an emotionally-charged inquiry that will surely spur some kind of response. By doing this, Bogard develops his argument, adding gutthral power to the idea that the issue of maintaining natural darkness is relevant and multifaceted.
Writing as a reaction to his disappointment that artificial light has largely permeated the prescence of natural darkness, Paul Bogard argues that we must preserve true, unaffected darkness. He builds this claim by making use of a personal anecdote, allusions, and rhetorical questioning.
Scoring
This response scored a 4/4/4
Reading—4
This response demonstrates thorough comprehension of the source text through skillful use of paraphrases and direct quotations.
- The writer briefly summarizes the central idea of Bogard’s piece ("natural darkness should be preserved; we must preserve true, unaffected darkness"), and presents many details from the text, such as referring to the personal anecdote that opens the passage and citing Bogard’s use of "Paris’ reputation as “The City of Light.”"
- There are few long direct quotations from the source text; instead, the response succinctly and accurately captures the entirety of Bogard’s argument in the writer’s own words, and the writer is able to articulate how details in the source text interrelate with Bogard’s central claim.
- The response is also free of errors of fact or interpretation.
- Overall, the response demonstrates advanced reading comprehension.
Analysis—4
This response offers an insightful analysis of the source text and demonstrates a sophisticated understanding of the analytical task.
- In analyzing Bogard’s use of "personal anecdote, allusions to art and history, and rhetorical questions", the writer is able to explain carefully and thoroughly how Bogard builds his argument over the course of the passage. For example, the writer offers a possible reason for why Bogard chose to open his argument with a personal anecdote, and is also able to describe the overall effect of that choice on his audience:
"In telling this brief anecdote, Bogard challenges the audience to remember a time where they could fully amass themselves in natural darkness void of artificial light. By drawing in his readers with a personal encounter...the author means to establish the potential for beauty, glamour, and awe-inspiring mystery that genuine darkness can possess.... This anecdote provides a baseline of sorts for readers to find credence with the author’s claims".
- The cogent chain of reasoning indicates an understanding of the overall effect of Bogard’s personal narrative both in terms of its function in the passage and how it affects his audience.
- This type of insightful analysis is evident throughout the response and indicates advanced analytical skill.
Writing—4
The response is cohesive and demonstrates highly effective use and command of language.
- The response contains a precise central claim ("He effectively builds his argument by using personal anecdote, allusions to art and history, and rhetorical questions"), and the body paragraphs are tightly focused on those three elements of Bogard’s text.
- There is a clear, deliberate progression of ideas within paragraphs and throughout the response. The writer’s brief introduction and conclusion are skillfully written and encapsulate the main ideas of Bogard’s piece as well as the overall structure of the writer’s analysis.
- There is a consistent use of both precise word choice and well-chosen turns of phrase ("the natural magnificence of stars in a dark sky is definite, our world consumed by unnatural, vapid lighting, the affecting power of an untainted night sky").
- Moreover, the response features a wide variety in sentence structure and many examples of sophisticated sentences ("By doing this, Bogard creates a dichotomy between Paris’ traditionally alluded-to name and the reality of what Paris is becoming – no longer “the city of light”, but moreso “the city of light…before 2AM”).
- The response demonstrates a strong command of the conventions of written English. Overall, the response exemplifies advanced writing proficiency.
Want to join the conversation?
Does the writing and vocabulary have to be quite as sophisticated and beautiful as this is to get a 4 in the writing section?(75 votes)
A strong vocabulary is very important, and the SAT essay tests your ability to convey a clear, concise, and effective analysis of an argument (which inevitably demands the use of that vocabulary knowledge). To generalize, the ultimate goal of the essay is to deliver a strong analysis, which requires concision and precise vocabulary. As long as your words are effective, precise, and appropriate to the context and such, you will be on your way to a strong analysis.
The words don't have to be sophisticated in the sense that they are words indigenous to specialized fields or areas of interest (though this may be useful depending on the situation). When considering what words to use, I'd think about whether the word is needed and if it will help convey information effectively or cause confusion.(35 votes)
If I use as many technical terms possible (e.g. ethos, diction ) with proper evidence from passage, will it downgrade the essay?(12 votes)
It won't necessarily downgrade the essay, but it isn't always helpful, as every writer uses ethos, pathos, logos, diction, etc. In your introduction, explain how the author uses it instead (i.e. appeals to logic with..., appeals to anger, utilizes words with negative connotations) Hope this helped :)(98 votes)
Is it necessary to use American spellings whilst writing the essay?(36 votes)- Generally the College Board is pretty lenient when it comes to spelling in all the AP exams I've taken so I imagine it's not necessary. Honestly, I know people in America that have no idea the American spelling of "specialized" or other words like that include a "z" rather than an "s". It definitely won't be a big deal.(32 votes)
What is this "pathos, ethos & logos" everyone is talking about? I am a rising a sophomore so when do they start teaching this at school?(6 votes)
Pathos, logos, and ethos are called rhetorical appeals. They are methods that people use to persuade their audience to their side of an argument. The words are weird because they're Greek, but you might be able to remember their meanings based on everyday words.
pathos: appealing to emotion (root of words like empathy, apathy); some examples: charged language, telling sad anecdotes
logos: appealing to logic (the relation between "logos" and "logic" is pretty clear); some examples: using statistics, giving an organized list of reasons
ethos: appealing to an authority (root word of ethics; this appeal uses the credibility of someone to be more persuasive; some examples: quoting Martin Luther King Jr. when making an argument about civil rights, using a beautiful actress in a makeup commercial to promote the product
I'm not sure when this is supposed to be learned (I should hope you know by now since you should probably be a senior by this point), but I did in 8th grade. The appeals are very useful to know when analyzing rhetoric, so I hope this helped explain it!(28 votes)
- Would it be okay, if I format parts of my own essay the way this student has done theirs, without being penalized?
For example, could I write my essay starting with:
In response to... (the issue in the passage)..., writer... (name)... argues that... (argument)... in his/her article... "(Title)".
And so on with sentence structures that are relevant.
I suffer in the the Writing component of the essay because, in the short span of time, and lack of access to a Thesaurus, I am unable to spontaneously generate a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary.
Are there any other effective solutions learning to do this?(21 votes)
I am not sure about the first part of your question, but I think a good idea for part two would be trying to work on your sentence composing (the home school book series) It includes a lot of practicing copying famous sentences, and using those layouts for your sentences. It also teaches the different part of the sentences, and the different ways of imitating a sentence. Hope this helps!(0 votes)
- Hi there, in Australia we are required to complete a similar task for our English units, but there are a few things that we are told weaken our responses. For example, 'labeling' the devices used by the author is considered characteristic of a weaker response, especially without direct evidence. Does this reasoning apply in the SAT? Thanks.(6 votes)
- Hi, your job for the SAT essay is indeed to 'label', but of course with substantiation. Hence you have to provide evidence as to why you think the author has made use of a particular technique. For example, if you say that the author makes use of a personal anecdote, you have to quote a phrase/sentence from the passage where the author recounts his personal experience. There are some techniques that are quite subtle and I would advise you to stay away from them. The essay question asks you to "[focus] on the most relevant features of the passage" so it would be better to pick out something that is obvious.(18 votes)
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Should the introduction be a summary of the passage in about 100 words or just 3-4 lines?(0 votes)
Hi
Since we have a time limit of 50 minutes I don't think it is a good idea to write a summary of the passage in the introduction. Instead you can write a summary in the conclusion cause you will have a better understanding of the passage in the end and it will be easier to do so.
So I think a 3-4 line introduction is a better option.
Hope this helps you! :)(9 votes)
- This essay was part of the practice test that I wrote yesterday. I received a score of 7/8/7 but I never received any feedback on the scores. Is it possible to see my marked essay?(6 votes)
Because so many people take the practice SATs on Khan Academy, they can't have individual people score them so it's automatic. There is no marked essay, so you won't be able to see it. A score of 7/8/7 is very good, and you should do just fine on the SAT.(7 votes)
- do we put a title for the new sat essay?(8 votes)
- No, titling your SAT essay is extremely unnecessary. The most important part of the task is to read and analyze the passage to the best of your ability, and convey your understanding in an essay. Don't waste your time on thinking about a title.(5 votes)
